Wow.
I hear your stress.
You've read all the posts about my own mother. She doesn't drink any more, but many of the controling childish behaviors remain. There are days I just don't want to talk to her, and I DON"T!
You don't have to do anything at all that makes you feel used and abused.
We're adults now. Shoot, Im over 50! I refuse for my mother to talk to me in a way that I perceive as ugly, abusive or degrading. If she has a problem with me, that's just too darn bad.
I love her with all my heart. She knows this too. I finally drew a boundary line that I will not let her cross any more. I am too old to be treated with disrespect.
The truly difficult part for me is not laying into her and letting her have it. I have to force myself to remain calm when I deal with her, while at the same time not let her cross that boundary. I am learning though. There's a lot of things that have never been dealt with when it comes to her. I learned they might not ever be dealt with. What good would it do now that she's so old?
I just have to protect my self. That's what I have to do to maintain my sanity.
Frosty, you don't have to take any abuse from her. If she calls and starts any abuse, tell her that you will talk to her when she can talk to you in a non abusive, adult way then, simply hang up. She feels like she has some kind of control over you. Take it away from her.
What is the worst thing that can happen if you hang up?