Court Today

Old 12-07-2007, 08:09 AM
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Court Today

So my mother's court date is today. I'm not going. I don't think I should. She hasn't asked for me and I think it would only hurt me. I haven't even called her attorney to find out what's going on. I'm hands off on this one. I hope its the right thing to do. But this really isn't my mess and I really can't fix it. We exchanged all these emails before she got arrested and she just lied and lied to me. I want to give her time to find her feet and get sober. I want to give me time to find my feet and get independent. Thank you all for your support thus far! I really appreciate it!
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Old 12-07-2007, 12:54 PM
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Thank you for sharing your process Midnight.

Your strength helps us to be strong.

"I want to give her time to find her feet and get sober. I want to give me time to find my feet and get independent."

Well, that made my day today! That is so GREAT!

((((hugs))))

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Old 12-07-2007, 03:50 PM
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I really hope the decision today, whatever it may be, is one that will help to her to do just that - get on her feet. I am proud of you for how strong you are being in such a difficult situation, it's inspiring
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Old 12-07-2007, 05:51 PM
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You're doing the right thing all the way. "Hands off the addict" is exactly whats needed for both of you.
I am so sorry you have to go through this grief. It's your mother. What a sad thing.
Remind yourself that adults can make their own choices. She had made her choices and unfortunately, now has to pay for them.
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Old 12-07-2007, 05:51 PM
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Awesome, Midnight Your recovery is shining strong!!! Good for you!!

Mike
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Old 12-07-2007, 08:17 PM
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Thank you so much for the support! I found out that she was released with time served. That came as a big blow. I was hoping she'd be fed, housed, and such for a while. I started panicking. I just can't go back to the way things were. . . . I even had my phone plan reduced because I had been covering both our phones. It was our last financial tie. I was so relieved to have it severed. So instead of calling and having my phone plan increased I just had her phone service suspended. I figure this way if she wants she can go somewhere and take the number with her but she can't eat up my minutes and have me pay for it 'til then. I feel very anxious about it now. I'm waiting for her to call and yell at me. I just don't even want to have to defend myself. But this last month has been so peaceful. I'm just not willing to give that up. And I think part of staying in a better place is severing this last financial tie with mother. That little voice in the back of my head is trying to tell me I'm being a cold hearted you know what. I'm telling it its wrong.
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Old 12-07-2007, 09:14 PM
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Wow.
I hear your stress.
You've read all the posts about my own mother. She doesn't drink any more, but many of the controling childish behaviors remain. There are days I just don't want to talk to her, and I DON"T!

You don't have to do anything at all that makes you feel used and abused.
We're adults now. Shoot, Im over 50! I refuse for my mother to talk to me in a way that I perceive as ugly, abusive or degrading. If she has a problem with me, that's just too darn bad.
I love her with all my heart. She knows this too. I finally drew a boundary line that I will not let her cross any more. I am too old to be treated with disrespect.
The truly difficult part for me is not laying into her and letting her have it. I have to force myself to remain calm when I deal with her, while at the same time not let her cross that boundary. I am learning though. There's a lot of things that have never been dealt with when it comes to her. I learned they might not ever be dealt with. What good would it do now that she's so old?

I just have to protect my self. That's what I have to do to maintain my sanity.

Frosty, you don't have to take any abuse from her. If she calls and starts any abuse, tell her that you will talk to her when she can talk to you in a non abusive, adult way then, simply hang up. She feels like she has some kind of control over you. Take it away from her.
What is the worst thing that can happen if you hang up?
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Old 12-08-2007, 07:04 AM
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Good job Midnight. Sometimes I still get those voices telling me I'm bad or mean or spiteful or whatever. I listen carefully to the voices and discover that it is not my voice, but the voices of the various toxic people I've had in my life (sometimes I can literally hear that persons voice so I can even identify exactly who was nice enough to leave that particular tape in my head).

Good for you for telling them to be quiet!

You're doing great, keep at it!
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:42 AM
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I'm surprised I still haven't heard from her. relieved too. Don't you hate those voices Ginger! Hello. . . I'm the only one that should be talking in my head. I hear my mother all the time though.
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Old 12-09-2007, 01:37 PM
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Hello. . . I'm the only one that should be talking in my head.
LOL! I think I have a full blown convention in my head sometimes. They can be awfully hard to ignore - especially since so many of them are still drunk and belligerent!
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Old 12-09-2007, 03:30 PM
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I hear ya. I am always swatting away the rehearsals, and the voices that go through my head.
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