Very well said Duet.
My struggle had always been with Forgiveness v. Tolerance. I had a hard time separating the two. I thought if I forgave my exah then it meant I was sending a message of Tolerance for his drug abuse. I soooo did not want to do that, so for a long time I was just angry and I felt like I had to show my anger. To stay in that kind of anger just to make a point is exhausting. At some point I gave up the anger and reconciled with the fact that it is okay to forgive him because to forgive him also meant forgiving myself for enabling him and for allowing myself to stay in such turmoil for so long. I was brought up to be mindful of myself, what and who I surround myself with and to care about myself....to seek out what is best for me. I abandoned myself for over 3 years in marriage. My exah did what he did and I had no control over any of that except for me. Oh yes, I had to forgive myself for all of that and make a promise to myself that I will never abandon myself again...Nope...not this girl, not anymore.