Really, truly sick and tired!
Hi yall - Just wanted to share this "moment of clarity" that I experienced yesterday. I had a kinda stressful day - nothing major, but enough that in the past, I would have "needed" a drink - and when the kids went to bed, I actually thought about drinking, but in a detached way. Not a craving, not really considering it, but just thinking about how much my thoughts/feelings/behavior has changed since I stopped drinking. I realized last night, that I could drink...if I was willing to suffer all the consequences. And you know what? I thought, I really am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I never want to do that ever again. It was such a strong feeling - I have fought off cravings earlier in my recovery and thought that meant I was sick of drinking and its aftermaths, but this was even a bigger, much more powerful feeling than that. I truly did not want to drink.
I was amazed by the depth of this feeling and by the fact that I didn't even know that I wasn't really all the way there yet, until I arrived. Does that make sense? It gave me a tremendous feeling of hope that there is so much more goodness to be discovered in sobriety, gifts that I don't even know are waiting...
Just wanted to share...I will pray that this brings hope to anyone who is struggling right now...
J