((((((((((((Comet))))))))))), sending you a hug. Your not alone. This time of year hurts for me too. CAnt clost the door to the past, just learn from it. Because of that awful day 7 years ago, you got sober. Something great came from something awful, which is the only way people get sober.
Lean into the pain.....it wont kill you, but will make you stronger. It will pass. I promise.