Originally Posted by
freya 
My dad's disease -- which he had many, many opportunities to address and to get help for, all of which he chose to ignore -- turned him into a black-hole of constant paranoia, negativity, self-delusion and self-pity.
Untreated codependency has the same affect on the partners of alcoholics. They fall into a black-hole of constant paranoia, negativity, self-delusion, and self-pity, too. One form of self-delusion I exhibited was believing that sacrificing one year of my life in the name of helping my alcoholic partner would somehow help him turn his life around. That one year stretched to two, and then to three, and all the while I didn't think I was exhibiting co-dependent behaviors--much in the same way my partner didn't think he had a drinking problem. He was never able to turn his life around; he drank himself to death five months ago.
Giving away a year of my life didn't change anything. His disease continued to progress and my resentments continued to grow. Co-dependency was my problem. Alanon was the solution.