This is a tough one for me. And one i have avoided thinking about, but I need to face.
My family of parents, brothers, sisters, in-law,s and grandkids, all rent cabins in the mountains, Fri thru sun. My son usually goes. This is the first year without him,and being separated from my husband makes me by myself up there.
My family is very loving and caring. But they don't understand. they haven't ever expressed anything negative, yet I feel judged. ( probably just judging myself)
Yet, I am realizing two things about myself. I am trying to fight feeling sorry for myself. and I know I hate when they feel sorry for me. .( maybe it makes me see how bad it is?)
I would rather focus on whats right in my life right now, not wrong. thats why I like my program.
The second thing i know about myself is i can get jealous around them. Seeing teenage and young adult nieces and nephews with their life together, drug free, can hurt, yet I love them and am proud of them.
even seeing the young ones hurt because I had wanted another child and a bigger family and now i am facing holidays, although not alone, because my family is large and loving, but facing it with a situation I never had planned for my life. One child, who I am alienated from, and single. I keep wanted to alienate myself, Hole-up, so i don't have to face it, ,. I have to fight that.
So Thursday, the day of thanksgiving, I have a few things running thru my head. Working with a kitchen that serves, going to my sisters, or going to a movie, or just being by myself, for self reflection.
Again, i really am fighting the feeling sorry thing!
Cathy