How much can one handle?
As you know, I am trying to get help for my very sick son. He needs to see a doctor.
When I call my ra mother, she tells me not to worry. Worry doesn't help.
Well, she's right in that respect, but when it's your child, worry is your only option!!
I know how sick that sounds. I have done very well not to fall apart. I have focused on good things, I have tried very hard to practice not projecting into the future. But my heart is with him. To see him suffer is unbearable.
Well, after she said that, she immediately went into tellling me all her aches and pains, and how she doesn't know how she's going to make it.
It's like, HELLO! Were you not listening? MY SON IS VERY SICK. YOUR GRANDSON! I am your daughter! A little compassion would be welcomed.
It was like nothing was as important as her being sick. Sicker actually. She always has to be sicker than any one else! She complained that my couzin is sick now and can't take care of her and she isn't able to cook. Oh, and she doesn't know how she's going to make it another day!
This is an old timer in AA who has sponsored zillions of people! She has all the answers but for some reason she doesn't apply them in the right way to her own life.
It just goes to show how sick she really is!
So, I decided not to call her tonight. I don't need the negativity.
And she will think I don't call because I don't love her. Hmmmph!
What I need is comfort and hope.
thanks for letting me vent.