Wascally Wabbit

As you know, I am trying to get help for my very sick son. He needs to see a doctor.
When I call my ra mother, she tells me not to worry. Worry doesn't help.
Well, she's right in that respect, but when it's your child, worry is your only option!!
I know how sick that sounds. I have done very well not to fall apart. I have focused on good things, I have tried very hard to practice not projecting into the future. But my heart is with him. To see him suffer is unbearable.

Well, after she said that, she immediately went into tellling me all her aches and pains, and how she doesn't know how she's going to make it.
It's like, HELLO! Were you not listening? MY SON IS VERY SICK. YOUR GRANDSON! I am your daughter! A little compassion would be welcomed.

It was like nothing was as important as her being sick. Sicker actually. She always has to be sicker than any one else! She complained that my couzin is sick now and can't take care of her and she isn't able to cook. Oh, and she doesn't know how she's going to make it another day!
This is an old timer in AA who has sponsored zillions of people! She has all the answers but for some reason she doesn't apply them in the right way to her own life.
It just goes to show how sick she really is!
So, I decided not to call her tonight. I don't need the negativity.
And she will think I don't call because I don't love her. Hmmmph!
What I need is comfort and hope.
thanks for letting me vent.

GiveLove

Hugs coming your way, Wascally.

I look forward to the day when you can say, "I'm sorry, mom, but your little aches and pains can't be my problem right now. My son is hurting, and *I* need some support right now."

Maybe that's the only way she knows how to communicate. (my stepmom is the same...that's what constitutes a 'conversation' in her book) But still, these women have GOT to learn when it's appropriate to b*tch and gripe and when it ain't.
Sad.

But right now my concern is only for you and your boy. Wishing the best to both of you.

GingerM

A big dose of *comfort* from me, as for hope, the one thing that's certain in life is that tomorrow won't be today. Each day changes as it passes into the next and every day we have the choice of how we want to live it.

I think choosing not to call your mother was a very good decision. You chose to life your life today in a manner that was best for you. There is great hope in that. Things will not always be this way.

Midnightfrost

Hugs! Good for you! I always hoped when I didn't reward my mothers constant complaining she would try to communicate differently. It worked to some degree. Any luck with prison advocate groups? I hope your son gets the help he needs soon! But don't forget about yourself in the process!

Wascally Wabbit

Thank you everyone.
I did call her this evening, and GiveLove. I'll be darned if she didn't say, "you must not love me any more since you never come visit". Whew! I drew a long breath and reminded her of all the responsibility I have right here, how terribly sick we have all been, and how exhausted I am. I told her I do love you, I just can't do much right now. ( Little good it does, as you know) And, I didn't even get mad. It was like, wow, I expect this behavior, so I don't have to get mad at it. LOL, I am sure I have unseen buttons that have yet to be pushed, and she will find them.


Midnight, I am going to see him Sunday. If he is the same, I will be on the phone to every frickin politician in America. He will get in to a doctor. I have been unable to locate an advocacy group near by.

Ya know Ginger, I was calling her every night for years. Lately, I have been calling every other day and sometimes every third day. It has made a difference in my sanity level too. You're so right. I am doing this so I can live my life the best I can.

DesertEyes

Hey Wabbit, have a big ol (((((((( hug )))))))))

I think you're doing real good stepping away from your toxic mother. Since you're not calling her every day, maybe you can use that time on the sane day to do something for yourself. Doesn't matter what, just something to celebrate the fact the time you are spending on _healing_ yourself that day.

I take myself out on a date once a week. Just to lunch, with a good book. Time with _nobody_ making demands on me. It's not a big deal, but to me it means a lot for what it represents.

I'm praying for you and your son every day, Wabbit. And for your mom too, that she can find her _own_ way to recovery.

Mike

GingerM

Before I got married, and when I was first starting recovery (though I didn't know it by that term yet), I used to love to take myself out to dinner with a book. I also loved seeing movies by myself. Just me, my popcorn, a beverage and whatever escapism was on the big screen. I always felt like I was being luxurious when I did that.