"that's not smoke. It's just the kids burning incense." - um..I'm allergic to pot smoke. not buying that one.
"OK, give up on me now. The next girl will have the benefit of me sober. You just gave up too soon."
"You just can't cut it."
"If you just (fill-in) prayed more, set goals, had "my" commitment to self-improvement, this wouldn't hurt you so much."
"You want to come over now?!"
"What's going to change in 6 months? I've been sober for 10 days. Why can't we get back together?"
"Oh, that was just a phone solicitor."