Hello
I know what you are going through right now. I went through the same situation about 2 weeks ago. My husband of 6 years used cocaine, and I found out because he is not a good liar. We went to a substance abuse therapy and I was told that my husband is an addict and that it is incurable (people can stay clean for life, but they must not do it at all). In his case he is also an alcoholic, but I never saw it that way I just thought he liked to drink. He did not drink every day , but when he did he drank alot. In many cases addiction is hereditary (that is my husband's case) his father was an alcoholic and his uncles and grandparents too. When we were dating witch we did for 3 years, on the 3rd year he was lying alot, sometimes I could not find him for a couple of days, when I went to see him home he would try to send me home early, I always thought he was seeing somebody else or just with the guys ( that is bad too) It never crossed my mind that he was doing cocaine and he was always broke overdrawn......I loved him so much that I married him any way I just could not picture my life without him. Well 2 weeks ago (6 years later) he was feeling the need to use it again and unfortunately I found out and he told me all about how bad it was when we were dating. A few months ago I noticed a change on behavior, he was very irritable, if I said one thing he would snap and he would find an excuse to live the house alone. I thought that I was going to go crazy thinking that it was my fault and this happened always after he had a few drinks. He feels the need to use after a few drinks so I got rid of all the alcohol, no alcohol is allowed in my house.
I feel very sad and devastated I think I have cried everyday for the past 2 weeks. Therapy is helping, but I have bad days where I just want to open the door and run away because I am very disappointed he has broken my heart in 1 million pieces. I have 2 small children and I just don't know if I want to do this for life because I would have to make sure that he is not using..... he says that he wont do it again, but that is hard to believe because on top of it I have to make sure that he doesn't drink.
Try to educate your self about addiction therapy is helping so look for a support group and make sure that he has no cash on him. When my husband used, he spent AL the cash that he had. I know it hurts but be strong you did not do this. this is not your fault. I don't know how often your husband is using, but remember the more he does it, the worst it will get so please find help don't do it for him, do it for you and your kids.
If he is doing cocaine, I was told by the therapist that cocaine is the most addictive drug out there and that the more he does it, his brain is going to want it more. I was also told that addiction is a disease she told me to look at my husband as somebody that has cancer would not you take care of him???. She is not saying that what he did is OK she just wants me to understand addiction.
She also told me that the process is going to be hard alot of work from his part. I want to stay with him because I love him he is a very nice person, very loving I just don't understand why he made this choice??
Sorry that I wrote this long but I know how you feel please find help for your self and if you have to cry just do it.
My husband and I are young we are only 28 years old so I have a whole life ahead and I hope that he gets better because I don't know if I want to do this for ever.
I hope this helps
Ruth