Wow, it is amazing how there are so many simular situations here. I know it is so hard to let go. Take charge of your life and be responsible for your own happiness. You get stuck in thinking if he would only quit, we could be happy. Don't tie your happiness up in his sobriety, because it might never happen. Don't overwhelm yourself with the details. Take it day by day. We have three businesses and two kids. Its been a year now that we have been separated and we still havent done anything with the businesses. As time goes by, you WILL feel stronger and think clearer and it wont be as difficult. Its funny when I talk to friends and we discuss all the things he has done, I hear myself talking about it, and I just can't believe that I stayed as long as I did.When you are in it, you are just trying to get by, and you get numb, you are just focusing on how to put the next fire out. You don't realize how badly you are being taken advantage of. Our 9th anniversary was in October and Yes it was sad. But it would be much worse if you were celebrating 10 or 15 and living in the same unhappiness. This is not an end for you, its a beginning. You can decide what YOU want for a change instead of being controlled by having to deal with whatever he deals you next. You are lonley, because you have no messes to clean up, no excuses to make or eggshells to walk on. Do something for yourself today!! Remember how you were before this entered your life and find yourself again!!!
You never realize how much you have sacrificed to just exsist. Stop existing and LIVE!! He is going to do whatever he wants, it is the selfish nature of the alcoholic. No matter what, you are going to have no control over that. So concentrate on the things you can control and that is YOUR life!!!