Hi all!
It has been a long time since I have written anything here at SR. I do come to visit, read and gather the wisdom to take with me. I have been very busy with my life but mostly I have tried to fulfill my life with purpose in other things than coming to SR.
I will always consider SR my home; my easy chair will always be here but I share it with others now; those who need more than me and those who offer more than I. I am fortunate that I still receive emails from those seeking some light at the end of their newly discovered dark tunnel, and for that I am grateful. I continue to share and to learn. All that I have gotten here as a member and especially as a Mod and all that I get whenever I come here will be what kept and keeps me sane and recovered!
When I have more time to spare, I will most likely come here more often but I am grateful that my life is full, and I have a forward-directed purpose, at least for the time being. Keeping the focus on me and the rest of my family has allowed me to continue to let my AD’s focus be on her and her daughter and the choices in her life.
With that in mind, I had to come here to share what I consider to be a small miracle. Those of you who know me and my story with my AD realize that up to now, the situation with her and 2-yr old granddaughter has been very tenuous, at best. But Mr. M, SD and I have all made a conscious effort to take what we can get and “let go” of the rest.
We’ve been together with her a few times and we have concentrated on enjoying our time with the grand child, while overlooking the “addict mentality” of our daughter. After all, we cannot control it, we didn’t cause it and we can’t cure it. Hard as it has been, we’ve clenched our teeth and we all tried to “let it go” and just concentrate on the child’s welfare. Mr. M and I have been very good at accepting “what is” and not having high expectations of “what could be”.
Well, I am here to report that small miracles do happen if we are patient enough. Friday night our AD came over with grandbaby for dinner. I picked them up right after I got off work, then proceeded to go home and make dinner. AD stepped right up to the plate without any asking or coaxing, helping me! This is NOT something she would do. The whole evening was much the same; she cleared up the table, washed dishes and helped me put things away without anyone saying anything. For the first time, in a very, very, very long time and # of years, she actually acted “contented” and showed actual, true attentiveness and concern for what her father and I had to talk about; whatever it was! She rolled on the floor with her daughter, tickling her and they were laughing and genuinely enjoying each other and what made that more special is that AD was truly attentive to her daughter and enjoying it. And the things she spoke about were more like a concerned, caring mother speaking of the welfare of her daughter’s future!!!!! We were swept away and enjoyed it for all it was worth.
There is, of course, skepticism in our hearts and minds but gee, it was truly a healing evening for all of us. It provided Mr. M and I to have so much more hope in our hearts for their future and what makes it so much more special is that our AD chose this herself!!!! By allowing her to choose her path, be it good or bad, she has made that commitment to herself for her own reasons. That feels so much more authentic and solid.
Time will tell but she and her HP are truly walking down her own path; the path of HER choice. I just hope and pray that we are allowed to accompany her every now and then and rejoice in her recovery.
I know that some of you who have known me for a while (and you know who you are and who I am talking to, especially you moms!) will be very happy to hear this and for everyone, this is proof that hope never dies and you never know what lies around the next corner. NEVER GIVE UP!
Hugs,
and thanks!
Marteen