I guess my take on a relationship that is healthy is when both partners give and take for each others needs. It should not be all what he wants or all what she wants out of the relationship.
Sadly to say an alcoholic/addict, even in recovery, has had alcohol/drugs as the main focus of their life and their desires to drink/use drugs or to become clean/sober in their program of recovery. Many times they may choose to do it their way without a program of recovery and will have the continued behaviors of the alcoholic/addict without the alcohol or drugs.
If clean/sober in a program of recovery they are used to putting themselves first in order to work their program. That is why it is important for a spouse or SO to participate in a program of recovery themselves, which would be Alanon or Naranon.
Then each partner can learn to respect each other and their individual needs. The non-alcoholic needs to
focus on their needs without compromising either themselves or enabling the alcoholic to continue in their behaviors.
kelsh