What helped me to detach emotionally? Umm, I guess for me, I had got to the point of 'nothing I say or do is going to change this' 'I am being used' 'ahh, lets see, I am a human too, arent I?' 'How long do I have to look after this child (adult)?'
Anyway, after all the years of 'absolute nonesense', I can say NOW. I had enough. Once I accepted that none of this was my fault, it got easier. For instance, I thought about it like this. 'Would I put up with this from anyone else, NO, so why should I being do it just because it is my son. Blood. I thought deeply about his growing up, what I did, didnt do etc. I gave him everything he wanted and at 24 he is just learning to be responsible.
I was feeding his habit. Somehow, I said no, no, no and by the way leave me alone until you get your sh.. together. He would call me begging, hungry, no money, nowhere to sleep. Told me he had to steal for it. I still said no but I always at the end told him I love you. It just about ruined me and over time he has come around step by step. He now calls me just to ask how I am. I think once he realised I was becoming sick by all of this, it scared him a little. Even this little things he tells me, that may be trivial to anyone, I let him know I am proud and 'ohh, thats so great to hear' (crazy enough, its like doing it all again, with a baby)