Mom Detaching with love, but having a hard time.

Old 11-05-2007, 08:58 AM
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let it grow!
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you sound like you've made great strides in your own recovery. my daughter has been in/out of halfways and each time we have broken down and let her come back home, it has failed - for all of us. i always hope others will learn from my mistakes, k
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:42 AM
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get it, give it, grow in it
 
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Another mom here sending support and encouragement to do what is best for you.
There are quite a few moms here; so glad that you are joining up because collectively we are a great support system.
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Old 11-08-2007, 07:22 PM
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Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
 
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Yes, u asked if any of us had a young one going through this. My son is an alcoholic, drug abuser. He has been through 2 rehabs and a stay at a psych. hospital. When he was younger he almost killed someone during a fight, liftflighted the other young man, all with just a few punches. Once he was beaten so badly by 3 guys and left for dead on a busy road outside a club. He is now 32, still drinking and drugging it, but at least the violence has past. I know all too well about that sick twisted stomach, it all most cost me almost a nervous breakdown. I did what i could, now I don't rescue, any gifts are not money. xmas grocery gift certificate, stating no alcohol. As of now he is somewhat of a functional alcoholic. If there is such a thing. Remember you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it. You have great boundaries of not letting her come home without a halfway house treatment. keep up the good work Mom. Maybe someday she will thank you for it. Been there, I will say a prayer for her continued soberity. Be well and don't forget to be good to yourself. With love, Kerry
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Old 11-09-2007, 07:20 PM
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What helped me to detach emotionally? Umm, I guess for me, I had got to the point of 'nothing I say or do is going to change this' 'I am being used' 'ahh, lets see, I am a human too, arent I?' 'How long do I have to look after this child (adult)?'

Anyway, after all the years of 'absolute nonesense', I can say NOW. I had enough. Once I accepted that none of this was my fault, it got easier. For instance, I thought about it like this. 'Would I put up with this from anyone else, NO, so why should I being do it just because it is my son. Blood. I thought deeply about his growing up, what I did, didnt do etc. I gave him everything he wanted and at 24 he is just learning to be responsible.

I was feeding his habit. Somehow, I said no, no, no and by the way leave me alone until you get your sh.. together. He would call me begging, hungry, no money, nowhere to sleep. Told me he had to steal for it. I still said no but I always at the end told him I love you. It just about ruined me and over time he has come around step by step. He now calls me just to ask how I am. I think once he realised I was becoming sick by all of this, it scared him a little. Even this little things he tells me, that may be trivial to anyone, I let him know I am proud and 'ohh, thats so great to hear' (crazy enough, its like doing it all again, with a baby)
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Old 11-10-2007, 02:20 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
 
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Wecome to the "club" from another mom who understands. I look forward to getting to know you better.
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Old 11-10-2007, 07:22 PM
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I empathize with you as i have dealt with an aw for a long time. what gave me inspiration was meeting a woman who buried her alcoholic husband, has seen their 3 children in and out of detox, icu's, prison, etc, etc. She is soft spoken and stoic and learned to surrender.
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