Plug my name in your place and I could have written you post. I tried the just don't drink and go to meetings, working the steps in my head, or just don't drink and don't go to meetings. I evetually drank again. I was 7 years sober, but not in good recovery. I didn't have a sponsor, wasn't going to meetings and that's what happens. I have found that working the steps with a sponsor deals with a lot of the stuff you're talking about. Coping mecahnisms that have failed us. The steps will take care of that.