what's the best way to support?
i am a new member and this site has been amazing so far. i have been given many things to think about already.
i wanted to share my story and ask for any insight.
seven years ago i met my partner. i fell in love fast and have been in love since.
a few weeks after we met i realized she had many challenges in her life. she let me know she wasn't ready for a relationship.
we tried to be friends, but i couldn't do it.
at this time i didn't know the extent of her drug addiction.
i moved on with my life, but didn't go one day without thinking about her.
4 years later she called me and told me she had never stopped thinking about me either and she had done a lot of work on herself and was ready for a relationship.
i ended a relationship i was in at the time to be with her.
at this time i still had no idea that she was an addict.
i knew she had done drugs, but hadn't for a few years now.
we talked about what kind of problems she had been working on and i felt that she was ready for a relationship.
i have two children who i was trying to protect, so i thought a lot about it.
i guess this started the rollercoaster ride that everyone talks about.
things went a long great for a few months.
we were even planning on moving in together.
then the lying and stories and the borrowing of money began.
things would be great for a few weeks and then she would be missing for a while.
i had very little knowledge of addiction and couldn't see that this was what was happening.
eventually after 4 months she disappeared all together.
it was the hardest thing i ever went through trying to move on without closure.
i had no idea what had really happened.
over the years i figured it was drugs, but never had confirmation.
i never stopped thinking about her or loving her.
i hoped to one day find her to find out what happened.
3 years passed and i worked on getting over her.
i never did find anyone that i loved as much as her.
it was very frustrating.
in september this year i found her.
i was shocked and scared and had tons of questions.
i was very upfront with her how i felt and what she did to me.
she then disclosed that she started to do drugs again and that was why she disappeared.
we had a very long discussion and i was thankful to at least know what had happened.
but, i was still in love with her and she with me.
we decided to start a relationship again.
she had been sober for two years, had gone back to school, gotten a job, a phone and a car.
i was opptimistic, but very cautious.
we set boundries and decided to move very slow.
two days ago i didn't hear from her when i expected to and didn't until this morning.
she began a string of excuses and i wouldn't take them.
i told her when she was ready to tell me the truth i would listen.
she called me a half hour later and told me she relapsed.
i was shocked and not sure what to do.
her pattern of sabotaging success is very concerning.
i was happy and proud of her for telling the truth and recognizing what was happening.
she is going to go back to meetings and keep working on her sobriety.
i still want to be with her, but i'm scared.
i want to be able to support her the best i can.
any insight would be appreciated.