I "separated" from my functional AH about 10 days ago. Left my beautiful home, garden, cats, etc. and took my basic stuff to a friend's guest house about 3 miles away. This was following a "last straw" moment when he stayed out til 3 AM drinking, something he hadn't done for over 2 years. I'd told him and myself many times I could live with recovery but not active alcoholism, but never felt "uncomfortable enough" to really leave. He has been stunned, mad, tearful, and just numb over the past 10 days. Me too.
Now I'm having a day (today) where I'm doubting what the hell I'm doing, my motives, etc. Did I leave to force him into sobriety? How stupid and (again) codep of me! I wanted to use the time away to figure out if this was "it" for me, or if my enabling had just become more subtle and deceiving to myself. Unfortunately, I can see that it has and that there are more layers of my daily enabling/codep thoughts and behaviors that need changing.
So now I'm stuck with what to do next for myself. Stay "dug in" at the guest house waiting for him to get into a solid recovery to prove my point and assure my word has some meaning, OR, go home and try out what I've learned being alone? I wish it didn't feel like such a huge chess game.