Let me assure you, I was in that same mind frame. Always wanting answers, and even when I would get an answer, it was never enough of an answer.
You have admitted this keeping up with him is making you insane. Always pouring all our energy into an addict will only leave us empty, and exhausted with not one ounce of anything for our own self.
May I suggest you take a class? Something YOU do just for yourself. Maybe you like art, or photography, or crafting. Any thing you like to do there is probably a class for it in the community. Trust me, this will help you take your mind off the addict! You just might enjoy it too!
Keep going to your meetings and don't give up. You're going to have an awakening. The kind that makes you realize you're going to be ok.