Dear Member 31986
Maybe (just maybe) my own experiences might give you something to think about...
My ex-husband was a functionining alcoholic and whilst I am 'here' looking for advice and help regarding my children, reading your mail took me back about 4 years in an instant.
The desperateness, the loneliness, the frustration, the anger, the fear and the pain. They all roll themselves together and eat away inside you as you continue to 'get on with life' hoping that today will be the day that things change - that they will somehow see the error of their ways and your world will be normal again...
Should you have 'let' him get in the car and drive today? How could you have stopped him??
I believe that the most important thing now is to look after yourself. You are responsible for you and your children. It may feel as though your AH is your responsibility (how often did I think of mine as a third child...?) but ultimately he is not. That does not mean that you do not love him or care about him, it just means that your first responsibility is to yourself and your children as they are the parts of your life that you can control.
In the end I took the decision to leave my husband and - luckily for all of us - that was the final push that he needed to go into rehab. He has been dry for a few years now but I chose to stay away even once he was dry. It was very hard to let go of the guilt (i'm not even sure I truly have) but I know deep down that I couldn't have carried on living with something over which I would never have any control.
You're going through hell right now and you are lucky to have your faith to turn to, but please don't focus so much on your AH and his problems that you forget about looking after yourself.
Take Care
TKL