Your post today was definitely from the heart. Both my husband and father were high level functioning and maintenance drinkers. Their drinking never interferred with their work. In fact, their careers thrived. But my family life growing up was a disaster and my marriage was also destoryed by their drinking. I hit an emotional bottom first as a result of their drinking. My father never stopped and he wsa 88 when he died. am the first of my exhusband's three wives.
Whether or not they are still drinking, living or just knowing someone who drinks too much is too difficult to bear alone. Although you say that Al-Anon is not for you, it one path of recovery available to families and friends of people who drink or drank too much. Certainly, there are other choices such as help from a therapist, counselor, member of the clergy, etc. But for me, Al-Anon was the last thing I tried. I wasn't a joiner and was an agnostic--so why would I go to a spiritually based support group? But Al-Anon has worked well for me over the years. I have also received help from therapists and kept attending Al-Anon.
I hope that you are receivng some type of help/counseling and taking care of your self. I learned the hard way that sick people continue to do sick things and that drinking was the number one priority of the alcoholics in my life. Being a daughter and a wife was definitely not on their radar screens.