I totally agree with Ann.
I believe (and have the experience to back it up) that addicts NEVER get "better" until we stop enabling them. Stop giving them anything that they could and should get/do for themselves. He got himself in jail. He needs to experience the full affect of jail.
I have a son in prison for stealing out of cars.
This is his 3rd time!!! For, the very same crime.
The first time, he went to jail I thought I would surely lose my mind. My baby in jail!
I sent him 30.00 a month for the whole year he was in, plus the undies and other things they allowed him to have.
He gets out. Within 3 months he was right back in. He did 5 years this time. I was completely sickened that my baby was back in that horrid place again. I sent money, but within a couple of years, I stopped. I got to thinking that it would be better spent on my own bills and needs.
He gets out. He starts doing very well. I was helping him and his gf because they were trying so hard. Then, 9 months and a pregnant girlfriend later, he does it again. He's been in jail this time for 2.5 years now with another year to go. And, let me say, that when he went in this 3rd time, he sent me a scathing letter BLAMING IT ALL ON ME!!! What did he blame on me? He said it's my fault because I didn't pay his rent that month. (I had been helping them, but gave him 2 months warning that I would stop). That was it for me.
This time, I completely realized I was never helping him. I was just making his punishment cushy. I quit sending anything. NOTHING. I also realized that some people are selfish and no amount of money I send will make him be or act any different.
Now I have a granddaughter that lives with me along with her mom. I thank God that the gf is a sweet and wonderful girl. And, of course I love my granddaughter to pieces.
My leaving him alone and letting him suffer his own consequences has made him realize that he's on his own from now on.