I am right there with you....
I really want my son to have his father around to be his father.
Me too.
Yes my AH is a complete ass and some of the unspeakable things he has done are still hard for me to even believe, I'm upset at the end of a "marriage".
Me too.
My marriage too had degenerated to nothing more than a living arrangement that protected him.
Yup, me too.
Hugs to you. I know how much it hurts....wow, does it hurt. But, nothing changes if nothing changes...we have to grow and move forward.