The idea of getting divorced does not bother me too much (15 years with an active A is enough). I only regret that I gave him "one last chance" back in June instead of just filing.
My son told me yesterday that one night he got up to use the bathroom and saw AH standing in the kitchen drinking out of a liquor bottle (literally in the middle of the night) and that he went back in his room and pretended to be sleeping, something no child should ever have to do.
I refuse to mourn something that does not really exist, what we have is not a marriage in any way shape or form, it is just a living arrangement that he uses to stay in denial and protect his addiction.