Anyone else with XA feel this way
So now that "divorce" has actually been spoken, I have found myself feeling very sad and upset. I think the sadness comes from the reality actually hitting me that it's over. The dream of a happy marriage is over. Reality is hitting and hitting hard.
My head says I don't want the madness and I know this to be true but I can't help that my heart is feeling very heavy right now. The funny thing is that my AH has accused me of being SO COLD. If I'm so cold, why do I feel? Do I want him back, NO but I still feel.
I think the sadness also comes from the realization that the marriage is a failure and my AH has a real problem that he will probably deny until death. That in itself is sad. I watch him destroying himself and his health going downhill and I know there is nothing I can do. This is sad. I really do love him and wish that he could find recovery. I really want my son to have his father around to be his father.
So my question, has anyone else gone through this once the decision to divorce was actually out in the air? I suspect the answer is yes, but I'm really needing to know I'm not alone on this one. I think I need a hug. The hurt is setting in.