Barbie, I don't know if you can love again or not. I can point at several things that were nails in the coffin when it came to my love for my XABF.
* R to my 19 yo daughter after she knocked on our door "I was trying to have sex with your mother."
* Vacationing with the XABF and living with a week of verbal abuse.
* Finding out his "secret life of sick misdeeds" after said vacation.
At the end of the trip, I found myself pulling away from him when he would try to touch me, even casually. From past experience, I knew that was the end of it for me. And one it's over, it's generally permanently over. I feel nothing for him other than pity, and a hope that he'll seek recovery some day.