I don't think being supportive or not is the issue here because really...do you want to be supportive of someone's active use? You called it like it is...it does you and him no good to sugar coat the situation. That is a fact...he is still using. I think that you have some good boundaries for yourself and for him. You don't want to touched by his active use anymore...no one can fault you for that and I don't think even he would. You've made it clear to him that you would be there for him in sobriety and recovery but active use is not working for you.
So often we doubt whether our love for our addicts shows through what we have to do for ourselves to stay sane. Believe me...they see it and they know it but the active user in them wants to make you feel guilty for what you have to do.
It seems to me that you can't be a little bit pregnant.....you can't be little bit of a drug addict.
This statement of yours is very true. For addicts it has to be all or nothing. When they are in recovery, they can't have just a little bit of something because it always progresses to much more. That's why they are addicts and not just social drinkers or social users.
He's begging me to understand and be patient.
To me it's like hanging onto a rope in a tug of war. Eventually your hand starts to get rope burn or numb and you have no choice but to let go. We could only hang on for so long.