What does it mean to be "supportive"
I know that I'm not here too regularly. It's been a few months since I've posted. My abf is still at it. He's up and he's down. He'll get 30 days sober then he'll use. Mabye he'll get 60 or 90 days sober, then he'll use for 3 weeks. He considers all of these incidences "slips." Well, maybe I'm too harsh, but I think if you're in a regular pattern of not using and then using...you're not "recovering."
I drew a firm line this summer (for a while). No contact if he was using. Since he has terrible paranoid psychosis after using cocaine, no contact for 15 days or so. He's such a creep after he's been using! He's all nutty-crazy.
So, we haven't seen each other much in the last few weeks because of his travel and we live 2 hours apart. This week we were talking on the phone and I told him that I was starting to see an old pattern of behavior creeping back - was he using? wans he drinking? why hasn't he been going to meetings? He got all mad and "yes, dear" to me. So I dropped it. I told him what I thought and it was his place to act on it or not.
Today he emails that he "drank last night," but he loves me and appreciates me so much. He wants to see me on Saturday. I said absolutely not. He needs to do the work to be sober (going to meetings, talking to his sponsor,etc....) to maintain his committment to sobriety.
Then he proceeds to tell me about all of the changes he's made in his life over the last 4 years - left his ex-wife, distanced from his drug/alcohol friends, started going to bible study, etc....
Well that's all great, but he's been in my life 3 1/2 years, and it's a constant rollercoaster of using and not using. So he wants credit for all of the changes he's made, and I give him that. He's made some really difficult choices. But he's still not sober.
It seems to me that you can't be a little bit pregnant.....you can't be little bit of a drug addict.
I know that I'm angry and it shows. So am I being "unsupportive" to point out that he's still not sober (and I may not be around much longer)? He's begging me to understand and be patient.