I'm not saying i'm giving up but. . .
I'm not saying I'm giving up but I seem to be having a tough time lately hearing my Higher Power.
When I first saw my life unraveling last year, my marriage fell apart about the same time my AS went on a downward spiral, I really got ANGRY at God. Too Angry to even yell at him. I just closed myself off to him. One of the first things I heard at Al_Anon was that I had to give my will over to my HP and I thought #@$# I guess I have to talk to him again but it took about a month . Now i am so glad i did because I really do feel it and have faith he is walking with me. The problem is sometimes i can't hear him. ( Or I'm not listening correctly). Because i'll turn to him and ask for an answer to a problem and two completely different ideas run around in my head!!!
Its so hard, even when I am THINKING that i am letting go, i think my POWERFUL CONTROLLING WILL is getting in the way. . . . You know that last part I wrote just came to me as I am writing this so.... Guess that is my answer. I will be working harder on that Letting Go business, getting the heck out of the way, and try harder for STILLNESS and less looking for quick answers. Wow!
Oh Well I'm posting it anyways!
:ghug Thanks for Listening!
Cathy