I'm not saying i'm giving up but. . .

Old 10-17-2007, 08:49 PM
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I'm not saying i'm giving up but. . .

I'm not saying I'm giving up but I seem to be having a tough time lately hearing my Higher Power.
When I first saw my life unraveling last year, my marriage fell apart about the same time my AS went on a downward spiral, I really got ANGRY at God. Too Angry to even yell at him. I just closed myself off to him. One of the first things I heard at Al_Anon was that I had to give my will over to my HP and I thought #@$# I guess I have to talk to him again but it took about a month . Now i am so glad i did because I really do feel it and have faith he is walking with me. The problem is sometimes i can't hear him. ( Or I'm not listening correctly). Because i'll turn to him and ask for an answer to a problem and two completely different ideas run around in my head!!!
Its so hard, even when I am THINKING that i am letting go, i think my POWERFUL CONTROLLING WILL is getting in the way. . . . You know that last part I wrote just came to me as I am writing this so.... Guess that is my answer. I will be working harder on that Letting Go business, getting the heck out of the way, and try harder for STILLNESS and less looking for quick answers. Wow!
Oh Well I'm posting it anyways!
:ghug Thanks for Listening!
Cathy
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Old 10-17-2007, 09:36 PM
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Or However You Spell It....
 
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I swear I was just talking to some friends about this VERY SAME issue!! And I too have had the two different ideas in my head..........so confused on which one is from God and which one is what I really want........I hate that!!

I mentioned when I do finally let go things get worse and how cruel it all seems. My friend mentioned that if something is still bothering you or still on your mind, then you haven't quite let it go yet.

Letting go has and still is the hardest thing for me to do. And sitting still........forget it! As a result......I suppose I'll be practicing patience for a long time to come.

This is a great thread!
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Old 10-18-2007, 03:37 AM
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it is hard to let go. trying to control is what we have always done. for me, i sit in silence sometimes & just feel the feelings i have & then the peace will wash over me.it feels good to let it go & turn it over to my h.p. i can't but HE can.
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Old 10-18-2007, 05:54 AM
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We had a sermon related to this one morning. I struggle with this all the time. Especially since my Dad passed and my Mother battles with schizophreninic episodes. You turn it over to God.....and want your answer....NOW!! Well, that's not how God works sometimes. After we've given it to the Lord, we must wait for him to answer, in HIS time, not ours.
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Old 10-18-2007, 05:54 AM
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I have been angry at God many times, and I beleive he understands! I finally came to understand that his "grace is sufficient" and I may get mad again and not understand. But, he love us, is there and he didn't let anything happen. He gives us all choices, and if we go down the wrong road--our choice. However, He is always there, reaching out to us...all we have to do is reach back!

Prayers for you and yours,
susan
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:12 AM
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Sherry -

I SOOO understand how you feel. I finally had to ask God for something and remind him that I need a REALLY obvious sign 'cause I'm a bit confused, getting older, and I'm a blonde My really good friend says she reminds God "you know who you're dealing with - a neon sign would be nice".

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:17 AM
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Hi CeCe,

I remember a time when I was angry at ‘fate’.
I was angry at fate because I was not brave enough to be angry with God.

I did not understand the universe and basically decided it was simply chaos, random and unthinking.

When my son first started in AA he had a lot of problems with step one.
Sometimes he spoke to me about this and I struggled to find the words to help him.
I found I had no words because I was struggling.

I had, in my life, been told what to believe, and how to believe. At that point I did not pray, but I did not lash out at God either, I was just in some sort of quiet void.
When I did start to pray I prayed with an agenda, I had the master plan and I simply needed and enforcer.

Right, that’s right; I wanted God to be my enforcer.

“Dear God, if only you would make my son show up at this rehab, meeting, home..etc.”

In trying to help my son with step one, I had to help myself.
I cleared out all the things people told me I should - I must believe.
I tossed out mistakes made by organized religions.
I cleared my head.
I sat quietly and for perhaps the first time in my life I thought for myself about my beliefs.

I started to make a mental list of what I did believe in, over time the list has grown. It’s not huge or anything, it’s simple, it’s easy and it works for me personally.

I also remember when I reached the point that all my plans, all my rescues, all my energy were simply not close enough to save my son.

I was out of plans. It had taken years, but I could not think of one single thing to do and that night I gave up and I gave in and I prayed to God to take my son into his hands. I prayed for God to make me strong enough to deal with whatever came into my life.

I changed how I pray. I changed how I looked at things. I no longer think the Universe is random chaos. I am now, finally, comfortable in my own religion, my beliefs.

All of this took me a long time. Eventually my son found his own way though step one, which I suppose is how it was mean to be, but my trying to help him ended up helping me a great deal.

sigh

I believe in Miracles
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:45 AM
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I'm so new at this listening thing that I don't even know how to ask. I have a million things going through my head when I pray.

Prayers to you for a more clearer picture
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Old 10-18-2007, 08:28 AM
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What a great job at finding an answer.

I found that when I "think" or feel I don't hear God, it is because He is telling me things I don't want to hear.
Are you sure? Wait let me ask again. *same answer* No really....are you sure?

Just like the rules when you get to a door.

Push, if it doesn't open, ...Pull, and if it still doesn't open...
Get out of the way.

*LOL*
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Old 10-18-2007, 07:33 PM
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thanks to everyone who posted, those with great advice, " I liked the List idea, and what others had to say about my ability to stonewall myself and God's plan, and to those who wrote that they were in, or had been, in the same place that I am! I am so happy i have a place i can let it out!
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Old 10-18-2007, 07:54 PM
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Powerful post! Thank you cece and to everyone who responded....I think I am in a listening mode right now...not much to say but so much to hear. Hugs and prayers.
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