Gail,
We have similar haircolour, although mine is a bit blonder.
Yes, those is a tough issues. Nothing is gained from focing a solution to them and one thing I have learned in AA is not to take a big decision when there is so much on my plate.
What has happened to you is a lot, Gail. I think you´re coping well by paying the bills and overdue taxes and giving your husband space. I still think both of you would benefit from marital/or privat counselling, but you do it when you´re ready.
We had a bad time like this in my family. My cousin was raped and killed by a serial killer, my father got cancer the same year, I divorced, my sister-in-law died in a terrible accident... everything in the same year. It took us a long time to recover. I went into therapy and my shrink tought me how to live in the here and now, exercise and have a calm time every day. Take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time. Hope it helps.
We´re here for you, so don´t worry too much.
Love and light,