Muzy -
you're not stupid - you're an addict. I just looked at your profile and see you're a nurse. I'm trying to get my nursing license back - don't have it now because of my addiction.
This may not apply to you, but only my experience. Because I knew that alcohol would speed up the affect of any narcotic (yep - learned that in nursing school!), I would drink with narcs to get a buzz faster. It usually only happened when I felt really guilty about taking the narcs in the first place - I've heard here it's hard to get high when you've got a little recovery under your belt. I couldn't drown out the bad feelings fast enough with just the narcs, had to add alcohol and even then it didn't always work.
You're not a loser...I got clean from narcs, discovered crack and was addicted to that for more than 2 years. Had way more than a year clean from that, relapsed for a week, and now I've got almost 8 months.
Stop beating yourself up and start over again. I STILL have to be on guard around narcs - told both my dentist and Dr. I was a nurse and addicted to narcs. They will only give me very limited scripts for pain if I need it (so far I haven't but have to have 4 teeth pulled soon).
Keep posting here, pm me if you need to.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy