Isn't time supposed to make it easier?
As time goes by, I'm feeling the loss of not having a relationship even more so than ever. Messages get unreturned. Then I think something's wrong when I know he's not able to have a relationship, at this point not even a friendship. He was just there to hold me and let me cry it all out when I was having trouble with the family stuff, especially my sister. Her issues were there long before I met my ex.
I think this is due to the fact my sister is using and there is more stress in the family.
I'm trying to be the strong one on the outside for the family, but inside I'm crumbling, too. I want to have someone in my life to support me, too. Someone on a personal level, not just friends at work and members at my meetings. I'm worthy of this, but I keep getting rejected. Guess the focus has to be on me again . I can't look outside to meet my own needs. It just hurts more so today for some reason.
I'm just going to let it all out, take a breath, and start again. It's hard to keep starting when you feel like you're moving backward all of the time.