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Isn't time supposed to make it easier?

Old 10-14-2007, 02:16 PM
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Isn't time supposed to make it easier?

As time goes by, I'm feeling the loss of not having a relationship even more so than ever. Messages get unreturned. Then I think something's wrong when I know he's not able to have a relationship, at this point not even a friendship. He was just there to hold me and let me cry it all out when I was having trouble with the family stuff, especially my sister. Her issues were there long before I met my ex.

I think this is due to the fact my sister is using and there is more stress in the family.
I'm trying to be the strong one on the outside for the family, but inside I'm crumbling, too. I want to have someone in my life to support me, too. Someone on a personal level, not just friends at work and members at my meetings. I'm worthy of this, but I keep getting rejected. Guess the focus has to be on me again . I can't look outside to meet my own needs. It just hurts more so today for some reason.

I'm just going to let it all out, take a breath, and start again. It's hard to keep starting when you feel like you're moving backward all of the time.
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Old 10-14-2007, 02:22 PM
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Yeah, time is supposed to be a healer, but that bloody life stuff keeps getting in the way.

I know I am giulty of not asking for support when I need it - are you the same? Meetings people are there to be leaned on by you, just as tou are there to be leant on from time to time. Anyone you can speak to there? I know of a couple of wonderful souls in your neck of the woods, who are also members here. Have you ever reached out to them?
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Old 10-14-2007, 08:56 PM
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I did reach out today and feel a little better. Sometimes I forget to do that and try to handle much on my own. I put myself on the back burner this past week and it caught up to me this weekend. Thanks for reminding me it's ok to ask for support, too.
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Old 10-14-2007, 09:34 PM
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Everything takes time. I found when things got real rough for me I called my sponsor. We would talk or even go out for coffee. Maybe hit a meeting, there are plenty of shoulders there.
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Old 10-15-2007, 12:41 AM
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yes and no.

Yes it takes time to heal, but unfortunately for me time by time along
wasn't enough. It took me two years for to even to start processing my
divorce. It took me around another two years to process the lost
of my children. It took me 11 years of being clean and sober and a
relasped to knock me on my knees to consider looking into codependency
and another year to look into ACOA.

You would think a person like me would live alone, becuase i live a lonely
life or i felt alone even when there were people in my life. The longest time
I've ever lived alone in my entire life was only 6 months.
I'm saying ...my own place, single, no room mates or relationships.
I bacailly would be afraid of living alone, alone and put up with the chaos
instead. It was one of my biggest fears I had to overcome.

But in that process I gain myself back and i learned how to live with
me. And yes, for a while, i was going through that lonely stages of
wanting someone to cry on my shoulder ( i'm a guy) The problem is....
I like the crazy ones or have a radar out for only particular type of
women. It can be any women...just as long she acts a certain way.lol
My idea of the perfect woman is unhealthy.
So i had to learned to love myself and it takes time.
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Old 10-15-2007, 08:39 AM
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Yeah, I keep reaching out to the ones I know aren't available. Those seem to be the ones I'm attracted to the most.
The nice and healthy ones that I would be interested in so far are already taken.
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Old 10-15-2007, 09:34 AM
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Hey Teach,,,

I love your new avatar,,,,

Haven't been around much lately. Yours was the first thread I read. Gotta love them spirits,,,,

When my husband died, the title of your thread was the most often words I heard.

I said,,PSHAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW,,lol

How could people possibly say that?!?!?

Well, 13 years later, needless to say, it was true, but not up to my "expectations" at the time

I will never forget
I will never stop hurting
I will never stop remembering
and I will take the lessons learned into the rest of my life

Point is, I thought I would "get over it" and move on with my life.

I have since learned, there are no coincendences. The reason things happen in my life may not be clear, but will become apparent.

I beleive the "lonliness" and pity pot are part of the journey.

Simply another thing to cope with as we navigate this thing called life.

I am applying the same principals to my codependancy recovery. Nope, its not easy, but then again, what is?!?!? I have acquired some "tools" in my quest however, and I find I lean on them instead of the "unavailable". This site being one of them.

I just wanted you to know, there is someone else out there who knows what your going through,,

Peace and Love
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Old 10-15-2007, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by aztchr View Post
Yeah, I keep reaching out to the ones I know aren't available. Those seem to be the ones I'm attracted to the most.
The nice and healthy ones that I would be interested in so far are already taken.
Logically, it doesn't make sense that all the nice ones are taken - you aren't!

I had to accept that it was not in MY time, but in the time it took. In the beginning of my own recovery, I also seemed to keep drawing in unavailable people, even from within Al-Anon. I realize now it's because I wasn't done doing my own work.

I know the life of a teacher is extremely busy (my sister is one) - but do you volunteer for anything outside of work?
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Old 10-15-2007, 10:32 PM
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Originally Posted by denny57 View Post
Logically, it doesn't make sense that all the nice ones are taken - you aren't!

I had to accept that it was not in MY time, but in the time it took. In the beginning of my own recovery, I also seemed to keep drawing in unavailable people, even from within Al-Anon. I realize now it's because I wasn't done doing my own work.

I know the life of a teacher is extremely busy (my sister is one) - but do you volunteer for anything outside of work?
Thanks for the compliment and reminder that I will always have my own work to do, even if Mr. Wonderful meets me in the future. I'd just like to keep working on myself with someone else in the picture, too. One day when I least expect it...

As for volunteering, most of my work outside of the classroom is still school related, helping with and attending events, sports, etc. Another reminder to start branching out from my field. It's definitely a comfort zone.
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