I don't think the fear of your child dying ever goes away. For me I just don't dwell on it anymore. I know that nothing I can do will prevent my daughter's death because she is not ready to stop using. It may sound cold, but I do not want to waste anymore of my life in the what ifs. If I had any measure of control as I did when she was a child, then I would exercise whatever power I had to stop her. I don't have that power any longer and so I have to let go and let her fall, whatever that means. I no longer try to analyze the whys and the reasons. I feel my feelings and then I let them go. But always with a prayer that God keep her safe until that times comes when she is ready for recovery. I also accept His will and if that be death I know that I will find a way to accept that too. It really can be a scary place so I am sending you some extra prayers. Hugs, Marle