Macmerry -
I am a recovering crack addict and I can only tell you of my experience. My dad and the rest of my family love me dearly. When I was living on the streets, my dad would drive the 1-1/2 hour to find me, take me to lunch, cry, beg me to come home, offer help, and let me know he loved me. I told him, early on, not to give me money because I would use it for crack.
I knew I could come home at any time, but would have to be clean, and for 3 years, I chose the dope. After 2 years clean, I relapsed for a week, and have been clean since.
Today, I live with my dad and stepmom and niece. It started out as a $$ thing - I can't afford an apt. on my own. But I have a job, pay rent, help out around the house, and help dad with his business. We have a better relationship than we ever had.
I will always regret the hell I put my family through, but I'm trying to make up for it. I'm glad my dad had boundaries - by loving me, but letting me deal with my own consequences, it made me realize that getting high just wasn't worth it any more.
I'm sorry for what you are going through, but others here will give you great support and advice on how to love the addict, hate the disease.
Hugs and prayers to you!
Amy