Originally Posted by
tollbooth 
What gives them the willpower to make the choice of staying involved with an A family figure and not "give up" on them?
I chose not to stay involved with alcoholic parents, alcoholic/addict sisters, and alcoholic significant others on a daily basis.
I did NOT "give up" on them. I gave up the illusion that I had anything to do with their recovery. And I gave up the thought that in order to "be there for them" I had to sacrifice my life, my values, my peace of mind, my financial and physical security, and my time.
Many -- not all -- people who continue to be deeply involved with their alcoholic loved ones do so for personal reasons that only they can explain. And often it has little to do with willpower to stay, but rather a lack of willpower to detach and let the A's higher power take over.
You've done the right thing, tollbooth. Sending good wishes to you that you'll find yourself with someone kind and honorable (and not alcoholic). Sending prayers that your ex will some day find her way.
Hugs,
GL