Italian Girl,
AlAnon meetings were wonderful for me. They helped me to understand so much more. I don't think you can go wrong by trying out a couple. (You may have to try more than one to find the one you're most comfortable with...very common)
While it's dangerous to hook yourself to an alcoholic in any way, I hear that you are not ready to write off this relationship yet, since he is embarking on his own healing journey and you want to see how it's going to go. That's your choice and only your choice.
Just be clear in your mind what you will do if it doesn't work out....if he relapses (very common). Put a boundary in place and decide for yourself what you will do in that case. And be sure it's one that you are fully committed to sticking to.
Also, there is no reason in the world why you should be paying all the bills. You may love him, but his irresponsibility is keeping you from having the life you deserve. What would he be doing if you WEREN'T paying the bills? Wouldn't he find a way to make things happen somehow? Are you his meal ticket? Sorry to sound so harsh (I'm really not that harsh
), but many people find that if a situation is comfortable, like you paying for everything and not setting any time boundaries on it, they have no reason to change.
Remember that you can still love him even if you're not living together. And, as an outside observer, I'd suggest that you make it clear to him how much longer you're willing to accept this situation. He is a grown man whose choices created his own current financial situation. YOU shouldn't have to be his wet nurse. In fact, I'd dare say that you may rapidly lose respect for him if he doesn't come around soon. By talking to him about it, you may give him the chance to come around on his own terms. If he gets angry or manipulative when you state you want him to support himself....watch out.
Take care of yourself -- from one Italian girl to another
GL