Howdy
Howdy,
I've recently returned to AA after my last stint. I've been in and out of AA several times over the past 27 years, with a commulative soberity of 11 years (which doesn't mean much as I'm only 2 days sober at this time). I found this web site and have been reading all the great things people have said. Sharing each others ES&H is the greatest part about this program. Reminding myself that I'm not the only one.
About two months ago my wife found that I had been out drinking then went and picked our kids from one of their activities afterwards. She insisted that I leave and decide if I wanted to keep drinking or keep the family. I was doing really good since, going to meetings, talking to people... But then, I was hangin' out in my RV (where I'm living) Sunday night and felt that I actually had nothing to do, no resonsibilities at the moment, and decided that a beer would be great. Stupid alkie talk. 5 tall boys later, I felt like sh*t. The guilt and disapointment of myself was overwhelming. Every thing is/was going great. My wife and I are beginning to resolve our issues and are moving in a positive direction. Was this a little slip? I hope so and a good hard kick in the butt for me. I've also voluntarily installed a interlock devise so even if I do relapse, I won't be driving my kids.
I'm not going to tell my wife right now. Yes, I know that honesty is the corner stone of this program. She is so happy that I'm working (trying) to get and stay clean and sober, and that maybe some day we will be together again. I'm afraid that telling her would be to much for her at present. She's happy, sleeping well, doing good things for herself and the kids, and I can see that she's far more relaxed and realizes that it's not her fault. Why crush her again at this time. Some day I will have to tell her for my own sake - 9th step?
This is a "must work it" program for me. I can't be complacent nor take it for granted. I need to work the steps everyday - again... I'm now going to meetings everyday. Also, reading the big book and posts on this and other forums. Life is good right now. I need to remember one more drink and it will all go down the drain.
Thanks for letting me say my peace.