((Elana))
I always listen to my dreams. Subconscious or not, they are always telling us things. It seems to me that you are reaching a higher plain. You are comming to grips with how addiction impacted your life, and the people you loved. I would even venture to say, that you are reaching that phase of peace and forgiveness. They both loved you Elana. Nothing about their misery was about you, it was about addiction. It is like a venom and a spider web. You have shut yourself off from the possibility of ever trusting again, of ever being loved again, and that's ok, but I also believe that with forgiveness will come a new self understanding, you were loved by both, and you are still lovable, what happened was about them and their disease, they never really wanted to hurt you, they just couldn't break free of that web.
They weren't the same, but their love for you was.
B