I just found this site a few hours ago, what a Blessing! I am a very grateful recovering addict/alcoholic with two years and two months clean and sober. Something jumped out at me when I saw "Watching my daughter go under" I guess it's the fact that my own Mom could have been writing that before I got into Recovery. My responses will be from the standpoint of the one who was going under. I read some of the posts from what I assume was your first entry yesterday. I agree that there is a huge difference in helping your daughter and enabling her. Sounds like you go to alot of Alanon meetings and that's wonderful. I have one child, a son who is 18 and thanksfully he doesn't use, he's nothing like I was at 18. I started using at 11 and finally surrendered completely when I was 43. I had 32 years of living hell. I can't begin to image what it's like to see your child on the downward spiral I'm sure my Mom saw when watching me.
Anyway, from what I have read and from my own experiences, I feel that your daughter is in need of some mental health help immediately. I don't mean to scare you but it seems that she is truly delusional and may be in danger. I suggest getting out the yellow pages and looking up mental health and finding a 24 hour crisis intervention service to call. Or you could call a local hospital and speak to someone on the mental health floor and they can guide you in the right direction. I understand you have called the Police. They are only a very short term option. I put myself on the mental health unit at the hospital many times thinking that I was going nuts instead of realizing that the majority of my problems were a result of drugs and alcohol. But it sounds to me like your daughter may have a little more going on with her. On one occassion when I was in the hospital the Dr. tried to have the courts commit me to an in patient, long term mental health program. I finally broke down and told them what the real issue was, drugs and alcohol. I came very close to being court ordered into a mental health facility until a third party Dr. finally came in and convinced the judge of what the real issue was. Your daughter will probably be very angry at you for awhile but I'm sure you've heard about tough love in meetings. It may be what is necessary to save her life.
As for yourself, I admire you for knowing that you need to take care of yourself. My own Mom never would go to meetings and today she is having alot of anxiety and depression that she won't get help for either. She praises the help that I have gotten and how it helped me to turn my life completely around. But she's in denial about any problems her self. Addiction truly is a family disease. I will pray for both of you. Take care of you my friend, you can only do so much. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.