Great insight Meg! I believe you are dead on.
I know everyone says to not react, go on about your own business etc.., but what do you do when it's not you but your kid he's going after? I'm certain I reacted completely the wrong way last night, but I literally just snapped, totally lost it. It did just fuel the fire and gave him an opening to just let loose with the verbal assaults on me, but I'm at a loss as to how to handle that situation again if it were ever to arise.