I think every addict goes through the "testing" phase even before they really quit for good. I did it.
i would say such things as:
"Ok, I'm not going to drink for a week" and I could actually do it, but most of that week was spent thinking about when that week was up. In my mind.. goal ackomplished I didn't have a problem.
This is where the addictors are tricky little devils:
Paulos can you drink one beer today and not have another?
Can you not drink for a week? A year?
Can you drink 1/2 a beer and leave the rest?
I can not do any of the above.
I know I can not drink like other people, I am an alcoholic
Taz, I see where you are coming from with the above, and hopefully without raising any controversey I can answer these for myself which might help Paulos.
I could stop drinking for any amount of time I set my mind to
I could and have (not in last almost 8 mos though) drank 1/2 beer (even a sip maybe) and leave rest, depending on the day
I could go 2 days, 2 weeks, but here was the kicker.. each time I was setting my own stage because I was "testing" myself.
If I stopped drinking for 2 days, 2 weeks or whatever, my only focus was on that beer I would have when the 2 days or 2 weeks was up.
If I took just a sip or half of the beer, mentally my mind was focused and stuck on the other half of beer I DID NOT drink..
For me that was the tricky sticky part of this.
It was only when I said.. damn even though I'm not drinking it's all I can think of that I said..this is it.. I have got a problem that I could really tell myself I was an alcoholic.
Like most, I thought I would just go it alone.. again in my mind.. I quit before without help, I'll do it again.
Well it doesn't matter what recovery program you work or don't work, MOST of us cannot simply GO IT ALONE. I knew I couldn't. I might have taken a different road than AA but my committment and need of support is the same "I have the desire to stay stopped"
For me my real recovery began by telling my doctor and being completely honest with him. I then told my parents, my xhb and even my two girls. This was another obstacle for me because my family and close friends never really thought of me as having a problem and they still don't, what they don't understand is just because I did not get drunk every night, just because I wasn't a mean drinker, doesn't mean I didn't have a problem.. I got connected with a great therapist and then a group therapy and behavior therapy group and focused on MYSELF.. Not what everyone else thought. I got more out of therapy than I had AA mostly because I learned I was an addict LONG before I took a drink or popped a single benzo. I was an addict for as long as I can remember. Once I learned as much as I could about how addiction is NOT just about the addictors I was well on my way of establishing a recovery plan for me. But no way could I do it alone. My group is probably to me what most AA groups are to you. I can call any of them any time, we go out after meetings, we get together on days off, etc. We most recently added a day of week where we are getting together unsupervised to learn more about addiction and create plans to avoid relapse or slipping.
For me I could never and still can't identify what "normal" drinking is. I just know I can't do it but it was more than just stopping .. I had to completely change the way I thought, identify what made me tick and go forward with changes.