Stephanie,
A lot of what you have described sounds so familiar to me. My ex had to go to court ordered anger management therapy as a means to stay out of jail for assaulting me. At his request, I went WITH HIM to HIS therapy! I wanted to do anything and everything within MY POWER to help him. The counselor agreed that I could join in.
As time went on, at MY request, I had some individual meetings with her, unbeknownst to him. She told me like he was addicted to alcohol, I was just as addicted to him. (I guess by me going to his therapy, that was her first clue, LOL). I was shocked....ME??? Addicted??? To HIM??? I had never thought of it that way before.
And that was the beginning of the end of my denial, about myself and my relationship with him. It was also the beginning of looking inside myself as to why, for crying out loud, why did I accept so much unacceptable from him?
From there I went to some Alanon meetings, DV support groups, read as many books as I could get my hands on re: codependency, DV, etc. I threw myself into myself! I was desperate to change. Later I found SR too, another tool in my toolbox.
It would be so easy for me to say don't take his phone calls, forget about him, run, concentrate on your own stuff (although those wouldn't be bad ideas at all), but, I won't! See, I do understand getting so wrapped up in another person that you can't see yourself any more. I also understand what it's like to minimize (thanks Jeri), ignore the drama, like it's all normal and the only thing that is of concern is 'him'! It's like you cease to exist.
The rent, living arrangements, etc. all seemed to work out in it's own time. I understand you wanting to make plans, etc. Maybe for the next 2 or 3 days, try putting that out of your mind, or at least on the back burner. Instead......
...I'm glad you are going to an Alanon meeting tonight. Keep going, even if you're not sure it's what you think you need right now. It's a beginning of self care for you. Get phone numbers from the other attendees there and begin to develop a network of support in between meetings.
And that could be your first baby step! What do you think?