Okay, little update-- as I am writing this, he calls from rehab--and i didnt know what to do, so I answered it. I told him, I havent been honest before, becuase I was afraid he would get mad at me and leave---but I was doing him no favors by not telling him how I feel---and that as much as he hates it there in rehab HE NEEDS TO BE THERE and want him there.
Again, he kept wanting reassurance that I wouldnt leave him. I told him how I might have to move out of the apartment because we have no money--and instead of feeling any sympathy that his girlfriend has nowhere to live---he got mad at me--and assumed I was leaving him.
I again, told him I love him-- and said I can only assure you we will be together when you can prove you WANT help for yourself---dont do it for me--it doesnt work that way.
I was surprised, (although I probably shouldn't of been!!!) to hear him have ZERO sympathy for my pain. All he had to say was, "how do you think I feel in this place?"
I told him about some bills he got that are urgent, but said I am not going to "fix" them for you--I will tell you what the bill says, and give you the phone #. He was yelling, and I said, dont you yell at me....next time I will just let the bill sit here. He said he wasnt yelling at me, but was just mad about the bill & asked for the phone # to call the bill people.
I told him I totally disregarded my self & my well-being when I was so worried about him--and that I need to take care of myself--and he needs to take care of himself. I told him I am as sick as him, and I need help and he should have some understanding and I dont see why he doesnt feel sad that his girlfriend is in so much pain. He didnt understand.
When I said something upsetting....about the bills, or having to move out of the apartment.....he kept wanting to hang up the phone--acting as if he didnt care--like ...."Well, whatever then bye" . Maybe I shouldn't have done this....but I did it because I knew I would cry afterwards if I let him just hang up like that & i didn't want to feel this pain......but I convinced him to stay on the line at least 3 times over the 10 min call
He is still mad at his mom, and keeps saying to me, "Tell my mom F**K YOU for me". I told him not to ask me to relay any messages because I wont do it--and he can do it himself if he wants to.
Well, that was about it, but I have to run to my first alanon meeting now....i dont want to go at all & i am scared.....but i am making myself....i know thats what everyone would suggest i do lol.
Thank you again
love, stephanie