I have had problems with boundaries too. My psychologist said that setting boundaries is my biggest problem. The main thing is to take the time to write down what your needs are. Then, write down what your problems are. Then, write down how you feel about each problem. Then, come up with specific boundaries and solutions to each problem. Here's the challenge... you will not be able to solve every problem. His drinking is his problem. This is where the serenity prayer comes in. His sadness is his problem, not yours. Your feelings of turmoil are your problem. I've learned that the best way to set a boundary is to say: When you... (come home drunk); I feel... (sad, angry, lonely, etc...); As I cannot control your behavior, I will have totake the following steps to take care of myself. If you continue to... (come home drunk), I will confront the behavior and I will... (insert consequence that you WILL FOLLOW THROUGH ON such as leave the house and spend the night at a friend's house, etc...) That's all I know for now.