Within 5 days of admission, this outfit discharged her from inpatient to outpatient days and to stay in their "lodge" at night. This meant she was free every day from 3:00 pm until 10:00 pm. Well, I am sure you can guess what happened!
Guess this is proof positive that we can't force our addicts into recovery... we can make opportunities available... we can do the footwork, but not one thing we say or do will force them to "get it" any sooner than they themselves are ready.
Both my kids are addicts, Virginia. My daughter's addiction began the summer between 6th and 7th grades - a friend on the recreation basketball team we had enrolled her in 'introduced' her. We discovered this nearly FIVE YEARS later. As you know - rebellion and teen angst can cover a whole lot of "symptoms".
My kid was using needles shortly after we discovered her addiction - I never once saw a needle track. She learned early to use sites under her tongue, between her toes... elsewhere that I would never see. She had "friends" who "helped" her. sigh.
She went to 4 rehabs all together, and completed 30 days at 3 of the 4. She went to a recovery house for 2 months and to an Oxford sober living arrangement. She used after each and every time.
What I know is true for me today is that part of what kept her using was living in our home. She had hot meals, a dry bed, a tv and phone and car... and all the drugs she could get her hands on. And no matter what we did - she would eventually get them.
I had to stop being her jailer and her doctor and just be her mom. Her dad and I argued and sweated and cried and wailed. But we finally had to kick her out at age 17. She was immature and had no job skills... in addition to being a full blown addict. I had all these "nightmare" scenarios going round and round in my head. But you know what?
She hit her bottom far faster than if I had tried to keep her in our home where I could "watch" her. Having that chaos of anger and rage and theft and crazy people around and KNOWING when she was out all night... all that made ME so crazy that I prepared to leave the planet.
The only thing that helped me was Alanon - and even that didn't help until *I* hit *my* bottom. Until I reached out and called someone on that phone list and actually GOT something out of Alanon... not until then was I ready to actually go to MANY many meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps and work a recovery program as DILIGENTLY as I had expected my addicted kids to work theirs.
When I finally worked my recovery program.... I got better.
Today, my daughter has over 2 years clean and sober. She is married (to another addict she met in rehab). They have a one year old and another baby on the way. That baby they gave us is magic... no other word for it.
I cannot imagine that this was the life I ever expected for her... I thought she would have college and a marriage to another successful person and a better life than the working class one we struggled to provide. But her path has been far, far different. Far more difficult.... and far more rewarding.
I am not in charge of where she goes in this world... I think maybe I never was. Alanon teaches me that.
If you haven't attended several meetings, I urge you to try some. If a meeting doesn't give you what you need - try a different time or location. Look for a meeting with a lot of "long-term" recovery -folks who have been there a long long time. Look for a meeting that talks about program instead of the "qualifiers". I found my meeting and it lifts me up.
I wish you the very best and welcome you to SR. ((((hugs))))