Hi Folks - thanks for all he advice - And don't worry about being too harsh - I may need to hear it like that.
I seem to have lost a lot of my motivation. I had thought about depression... I am also getting bad headaches still - 5-6 times a week. I went to the Doc who asked me if I was depressed - How the hell am I supposed to know ? I don't feel that I am depressed - but I haven't ever been depressed before so I don't know what it feels like.
But I'm sure the headaches can be partly (at least) attributed to my bad eating and smoking and lack of exercise. He put me on Isoptin - which is a high blood pressure drug (I don't have high blood pressure) but is meant to help with chronic headaches. Been on it now for 3 weeks and still get headaches although not as much now.
I do get spurts of enthusiasm - but they are few and far between - For instance - I did tidy my place yesterday (first time in like 2 months) - It's better but not perfect.
And I joined the gym - but have only been 3 times for Yoga..... Was meant to go today - but I slept in till 10:30am (I am doing that a lot too - sleeping in way too much).
I have the knowledge - I know what I doing wrong (for god's sake, I used to be a personal trainer). I am severely lacking in motivation....
I'm sitting here thinking - ' I can go to the gym, all I have to do is get changed, get in my car and go to the gym - it's really simple' - but I justify myself every reason NOT to go. Same with the housework and eating well.
Last night - I promised myself that I wouldn't drink coffee or smoke cigs - just for today - only today - but AS SOON as I got up - I had a coffee and lit up a cig. The promise came back - and I thought F**K it - now I am feeling low and kind of demoralised.
I think to myself - What if this was someone else coming to me with these problems - what would I say to them - what would I do ? And I come up with all the right answers (I am very good at giving excellent advice to others, not so good at actually practicing what I preach).
I think I will just keep writing about this in this thread - listen to others - talk to it more openly and honestly with my sponsor - and take some baby baby steps...
Right - what will I do now ? Ummmmmm.. My brain is going - have another coffee and cig, then have a shower (I should do it the other way around as a may not feel like a cig and coffee after the shower).
Powerlessness sucks......