Hi Aristo,
Great thread title and thanks for sharing. It helps us all.
My house is a tip as well and I eat quite bad food and do no exercise. I smoke more than I used to as well and I eat a lot of sweet stuff. I even have it stashed in my bag for emergencies. When someone asks me what I enjoy I can't answer. Not yet anyway. I took a huge step last week when I threw out a dish I didn't like that someone gave me ages ago. Just realising I was making a decision about whether or not I like something was absolutely fantastic.
I came from an alcoholic home so survival was based on making sure I knew what other people liked.
Sometimes we have to work hard and fast at the steps and sometimes, life changes need to be taken gradually lest we spin out of control.
But I don't have to have a drink today - I have been given freedom from even wanting one. That's pretty cool. In fact that's absolutely f*****n amazing. The other stuff isn't going to send me insane and I won't die from it in the short term. I am hoping that as my recovery progresses, I will become healthy living, early morning action woman with abs of steel and spinach in my tummy and a house you could photograph any day of the week.
In the meantime, it's OK. I am comfortable with my non performance in some areas. It's OK.
The housework will get done at some stage. I have days when I really enjoy putting on some good music and seeing a nice clean house at the end. Sometimes, when it gets a bit much, I hire a student to give me a hand.
Another thing I do that seems to help is that I pray that I will have the opportunity to help someone today so I don't stay in that uncomfortable place I go when I am alone with my head. It usually works. There are lots of people we can support and help if we look and seek.
I am going to a new AA meeting today. It's at the detox. I am a bit nervous about it. It will be like looking back in time I think.
Be good to yourself ok? Progress not perfection right?